LOVE YOUR ENEMIES

Grudges have been the bane of my existence because I have this weird type of memory that I can remember things very clearly even if they happened 20+ years ago. Having this type of memory is very difficult because even the slightest details of some conflicts, some arguments that I’ve been through are very clear in my mind.

This makes it very difficult to me to forgive and forget, especially the forgetting part. Whenever some flashbacks come into mind for some reason, it still pinches me in a slightly stinging way that it makes me hate myself for being weak and gullible.

Then one solution came into mind while I was reading a blog of one person that I really admire, who is a now born-again Christian who is not embarrassed to show his faith in ways that most of us ridicule. It was as simple as this:

LOVE YOUR ENEMIES

Yes, it is simple as that but very difficult to do. I never been the kind of a religious person. I consider myself a spiritual person. I consider myself as a devout Catholic, but I do not do things that most Catholics do. I rarely go to novenas, pray the rosary, or go to pilgrimages. I also do not believe in religious images, but I do believe on the cross with no Christ hanging on the said cross because I believe in the Risen Christ. I also go Bible studies sponsored by other sects of the Christian faith. But if they start saying negative things against other religions or other Christian sects, I’m out of there in a blink. I can’t stand those kind of “paninira”. I don’t focus on the differences among religions, I focus more on the similarities. The strength of my faith is based on these similarities. This is why I say that I’m Christian who is spiritual, not a religious one.

But then, I can say that I’m a hypocrite because I can’t do the simple commandment of Jesus which is Love your neigbors, as you love yourself. How can I, when those neighbors are those I consider my enemies, the people who took advantage of my weaknesses, those who really left me emotional and psychological scars. On the other hand, it is also my fault of being too trusting, too gullible to believe that they are my good neighbors. I also tell my that those things never happened if I never let them be.

Maybe, I should first stop blaming myself and forgive myself for being weak, and also start loving myself, and perhaps someday, I can truly say that I can forgive and forget.