YOU HARDEN THERE!

This was an email that Kuya John sent me months ago. It really cracked me up so here it goes...

There was this Pinay named Maria who was born and raised in Olongapo City . She met her husband, John while he was stationed at Subic Bay Naval Base. Maria doesn't have an excellent command of the English language, but she and John manage to communicate. One day, Maria decided to cook a big dinner for John, so she called John up at work and told him to come home straight from work. John and his co-workers had been working long hours trying to finish up a project their admiral had assigned weeks ago, so they were excited to finally finish it. They decided to go to the ship's chow hall to celebrate. When John came home around midnight, he realized he forgot about the dinner that Maria had made for him. As Maria came out of the kitchen, John began to explain.

John: "Honey, I'm really sorry. The guys decided to celebrate a little bit, so we ended up eating at the ship."

Maria: " Ah, like ! that, ha? I cook the house for you, you eat the ship! "

John: "Honey, I'm really sorry."

Maria: " Ahh! Don't sorry to me! From now, you do your do, I do my do! You harden there! "

[Maria's Tagalog translation] Ah, ganon ha? Pinagluto kita dito sa bahay, kumain ka naman sa barko! Mula ngayon, gawin mo ang gusto mong gawin, gagawin ko ang gusto kong gawin! MANIGAS KA DIYAN!

This is Maria's story. If you didn't find it as funny, oh well... YOU HARDEN THERE!

1) Contemplate - Kulang ang mga pinggan
2) Punctuation - Pera para maka-enrol
3) Ice Buko - Nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
4) Tenacious - Sapatos na pang tennis
5) Calculator - Tawagan kita mamaya
6) Devastation - Sakayan ng bus
7) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
8) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
9) Tissue - Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct - Ang pato
14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato)
15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato)
16) Deposit - Ang gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
17) City - Bago mag-utso; a number to follow six
18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading - Unang Kasal
20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian
27) Profit - Patunayan mo
28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balanced diet
29) Backlog - Bacon saka egg 30) Bee! hive - Magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM - Tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug - Ang ipis
33) Defrag - Ang palaka
34) Defense - Ang bakod
35) Defer - Ang balahibo
36) Deflate - Ang plato
37) Detest - Ang eksamin
38) Devalue - Yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote - Ang boto
40) Dilemma - Brownout, a!
41) Effort - Dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums - Apat na kwarto
43) July - Nagsinungaling ka ba?
44) Liturgy - What comes after litur F
45) Thesis - Ito ay...

The Battle of the Brainless is back!

Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the Philippines ?
Contestant: Niyog?
Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.
Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!

Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant: Sa back?
Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).
Contestant: Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name nito ( Rizal Park ). Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)

Host: Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant: Banyo?
Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
Contestant: Beerhouse!

Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Contestant: Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan nito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant : Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!

Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant: Sirena?
Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant: Siyokoy?
Host: Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant: Siyoke?

Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines ?
Contestant: Sunflower?
Host: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant: Stork?
Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?
Contestant: Si...Sharon Cuneta!

Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia ?
Contestant: Carole KING?
Host: Hindi, mas mababa sa king.
Contestant: Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?
Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant: Johnny MidNIGHT?
Host: Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant: Jerry PONS?
Host: Oh, ay! an na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!

Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill? Clue, may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant: Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!

One more, dagdag:

Host: What "K" (kalabaw) is the national animal of the Philippines ?
Contestant: Kuto?
Host: Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.
Contestant: Kutong Lupa!

(AY NAKU!! YOU HARDEN THERE!!)